You see a lot of articles about what men can do during sex to make it better for the woman, but there is much less information - and opinion - on the mistakes women make. So to set the record straight, here is our list of ten things for women to avoid.
1. Expecting him to think like a woman
We've all seen plenty of books with titles like "Men are from Mars, Women Are from Venus" which highlight an unfortunate difference between the sexes. Men and women do not think the same way - and while we will not dwell on why it happens, it is important to remember that fact when you're in a relationship. Generally, men are not as romantic as women, they see no romance as a necessary prelude to sex, and they can divorce sex from their feelings in a way that perhaps most women can not. So there will be plenty of times when a man wants sex even if he does not feel romantic and connected to his partner.
For him, the physical pleasure of sex with a reward in itself. He need not be seduced to feel pleasure (though he may appreciate it if you do seduce him!) At least most of the time, for his sex drive is a fairly constant portion of his Malene. We believe this is what women do not understand.
They know how elusive and emotional their own sex drive is, but they do not appreciate how different it is for a man. Think of it this way: men can enjoy sex with their partner if they feel loving or not, in reality they are often their feelings of love for their partner when they have sex with her. Contrast, women often say they need to feel loving before they want sex - or at least before they are ready to give himself heart and soul of a man.
2. not showing your sexual energy
Women who were brought to be demure "good girls" (i.e. non-sexual) may find it difficult to express the essence of their feminine energy during sex. And a lot of women also have problems expressing their anger, an emotion that can add real spice to the sexual union between men and women. This lack of sexual energy might appear as a reluctance to initiate sex, a reluctance to be active partner, a reluctance to make noises or thrust, or simply a general tendency to wait for the man to lead and direct what happens during sex.
But believe us, dear, your husband really like it when you express your passion - whether it means you get above the woman on top sex, moving in a way that will give you the greatest pleasure, kissing him passionately, or assertive about what you want in bed.
3. be too careful when you touch his penis
Men like a firmer touch than women, especially when it comes to their penises. If you ever have the pleasure to watch him masturbate, you will see how much pressure he uses on his penis - especially as he approaches orgasm. If you do it for him, ask him to tell you what you are doing right and what he'd like done differently. He would really appreciate your efforts to give him more pleasure.
4. Not experimenting with sex
It says it that men think about sex ten times an hour - or is it hundreds? Yes, obviously it is an exaggeration, but it's not much of one. While some women have a high sexual desire, it is true to say that women are generally much less sexy than men when they are not in the bedroom. Men fantasize all the time - about the things they see what they want to do, how they want to do it and so on. With such an active sexual imagination, it is not difficult to understand why a bit of variation in the bedroom routine can keep a man sexually happy.
It need not be the way out of things like bondage, either. For example, try changing sex positions once in a while: take the initiative and get on him or let him enjoy rear entry for a change. Talk dirty to him if you've never tried before, to explore and play with new parts of his body, such as his anus and perineum during foreplay - or even during the main event. Seduce him into a "quickie" by leaving a trail of clothes on the floor in the bedroom. Greet him at the door sexy clothes. Phone him at work and tell him what you want to make him later in the day ..... well, you get the idea - use your imagination!
5. Expecting him to read your thoughts
Yes, we know that it's hard to express your sexual desires directly. But men do not think like women. They do not track, they do not get advice. So stop communicating indirectly, and tell him what you want. And give him feedback when you get it! That way he will know exactly what he should do, how you feel about it and to do it again. For example, if you like what he's doing during sex let him know with your groans of pleasure.
6. Criticize him
We believe that one reason women can be so critical of their husbands is that they never learned the art of direct communication. Than does indicate clearly and directly what you want how you want it, and whether you got it - and how you feel about it afterwards. Men understand that style of talk - they know where they stand and it removes uncertainty for them.
Criticism is an indirect way of saying that your needs are not met - but if you read number 5 above, then maybe you are beginning to understand that your husband will not know what you want unless you tell him. If you're judging his love for you, based on his ability to anticipate and fulfill your needs without you saying what they are, yes, I'm afraid you are not likely to be very happy. And it will not be his fault.
7. Let him take responsibility for your orgasm
Many of us believe that a man somehow has a responsibility to "give" a woman an orgasm during sex. After all that how a lot of us are brought up - that a man somehow has to look after "his" woman. And the idea extends to make sure she has an orgasm during sex ..... but the truth is that women are responsible for their own orgasms. So while it may be nice for your husband to help you there, if you do not make it to orgasm by his effort, you can always take matters into their own hands.
8. Control him by pulling sex
One of the most unhealthy thing you can do in a relationship is to use sex as a weapon. This is basically a statement that you feel powerless, that you think withholding sex is the only way you can get what you want. Rather than trying to exert some influence on your husband by denying him the pleasure of your body, try communicating directly what you want and do not want. (It might even extend to simply saying you do not feel emotionally close enough to your partner wants sex.)
9. Thinking he'll feel the same way about your body, you do not
It's just not so. Men do not attach the judgments to women's bodies that women do. So for example, if he thinks your butt really is a bit on the large side, it will not matter to him that way, the question for you. In fact, he probably quite likes it. And he certainly will not be given out to love, or want the lights turned off because of it. While you're wasting time and emotional energy wondering if you're completely undesirable because of some aspects of your body, he will never give it a second thought. It is women who judge their bodies, we believe for the sake of comparison with other women, not men.
10. Not that the sex after an argument
Well, yes, we know that many couples make up with sex when they had an argument, but in fact many more do not. As we said above, most women think they need to feel loving and emotionally close before they want sex.
Even if you do not feel sexy or loving when you start your lover, after a while the simple act of being physically connected in bed can really change the way you feel about each other. The other way to settle an argument (it's talking, seeking understanding, and thrashing out how you feel) is fine: but once in a while try a more direct way to get your emotions back on track - just go to bed together!
No comments:
Post a Comment