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27 December 2009

Making it Work with a Sex Addict

There is nothing worse than finding out that your spouse has cheated on you, but it is a completely different kind of disappointment when you find out that they've been with several people because they are a sex addict. There is a hopeless feeling that comes with being married to an addict, but the despair is even more intense when the actions of your spouse can put you in danger of not only mentally but physically. But a lot of people are able to do the work in spite of sex addiction.

The first step to making it work is to get everything out on the table. Let your spouse know that you need them to tell you everything they have done so you can begin to address the extent of the damage that has happened in your relationship, and the extent of their abuse. Tell them that in turn will make you the way you feel and your feelings about the whole situation on the table. This allows you to both feel as though you both know everything, and then you can go from a place that you can both understand.

The next thing you should do is to get your spouse into counseling. Sex addiction is not something that will go away by itself. Instead, the addict needs to get involved in a scheme for others who are also sex addicts and trying to overcome it is determined that the addiction has on their lives. Getting your spouse into counseling is important, and chances are you will not succeed without him or her to get the individual help they need.

You also need to get couples counseling. When you're married to a sex addict it will change your relationship when you discover all the things they have done. Anger, anger, sadness, and betrayal are common feelings, otherwise they may lead to the end of what was otherwise a good relationship. Returns from the revelation that your spouse is a sex addict is difficult, so should definitely seek support from a professional.

Do not keep it secret. You do not go running from house to house on the street tells friends that your spouse is a sex addict, but you are welcome to lean on friends for support. You may be embarrassed to admit it, but shares the reality of who you are married, will help you to come to terms with it, so good. You may not be able to make the relationship work, so you need your friends and family to understand what you go through as much as possible.

1 comment:

Anonymous said...

May I suggest a new book written to help the spouses of sex addicts. "Your Sexually Addicted Spouse: How Partners Can Cope and Heal" is written by Barbara Steffens, PhD, LPCC and Marsha Means MA. Dr. Steffens is a clinical and pastoral counselor in Cincinnati, Ohio, who works almost exclusively with partners (mostly women) of sexual addicts. And yes, you can recover! The book is widely available, including on Amazon.com.